PREGNANCY DIARY - HONEST THOUGHTS

So as I have finally decided to share this and made the official 'announcement' on social media, I want this to be extremely honest hoping that it makes at least one woman feel less alone or at least a little more prepared for what can be a huge emotional rollercoaster. 

As of this week, I am 39 weeks pregnant and although it feels like this journey to motherhood has flown by, I also feel unprepared in many ways. Before I get more into depth about everything, I want to express that I am extremely excited to finally meet my baby boy but I didn't always feel entirely happy which made me question myself and the future. 

THE EARLY MONTHS

First of all, my pregnancy was not planned therefore I almost felt like I did not have enough time to register what was happening and how much my life was going to change. I believe the early months are the hardest; the 'silent period' when you are unable to share the news with the world may result in making you feel like you cannot be yourself in many ways. I hadn't notified my workplace until I was 20 weeks pregnant which means that the early days were difficult as I had to hide the feeling of nausea, anxiety and deal with sleepless nights as it was all a secret. 

And although hiding early pregnancy isn't a new issue that women struggle with, I do not think that there is a solution to the 'secret period' considering that 20% of pregnancies end before the three month mark - this makes the 12 week silence understandable. On another hand, being honest and open about what was going on in my life may have made the experience a little easier. 

IDENTITY AND CONFIDENCE

Motherhood is tied up with identity and for a long while I felt like I was losing myself and feared that I would no longer be seen as 'me' but just a 'mum'. Being a mum is an exciting title; it is an addition to my existing self meaning that not everything I am and do should be based around my baby. And while there is something extremely comforting about others being so happy about your announcement, it can feel like people start to disregard you as your own person as everybody concentrates on the bump. 

I am not afraid to say that it was very difficult to picture a happy image of my baby boy in my belly due to such mixed emotions combined with feeling extremely alone in all of this. 

Trying to engage with social media during pregnancy can present many challenges and I can't express how important it is to remember that each woman and pregnancy are different. Self image is a huge part of identity and confidence in women and our tendency is to compare ourselves to others. Dressing confidently was a huge part of my daily routine and although I was aware that my body was going to change within the 40 weeks, I don't think any of us is actually prepared for the huge differences we are about to notice. 

STRESS

You will come across many articles, books, and advice from others and if you are anything like me, sooner or later you will end up stressing over things such as ensuring you have purchased every single item from endless 'essentials lists' you have stumbled across on the web. 

Now, you may also come across pressure around certain matters - one of them being breastfeeding. During one of my midwife appointments I experienced such pressure as my midwife jumped into expressing how important and beneficial breastfeeding was. She also added that it would prevent suffering from post-natal depression which I found to be completely out of order. While breastfeeding is beneficial for you and your baby, there are many factors that can affect your ability to breastfeed. Remember, it is no-one's fault and motherhood will be a massive learning curve but that is OKAY. It is easy to get caught up in what others say but do not put yourself and/or your baby through the stress - instead move on, do what is best for you and simply enjoy the time with your newborn. 

DEPRESSION

I have experienced many negative thoughts during pregnancy and although I wouldn't say that I have suffered from pre-natal depression, I wanted to touch on this subject as it actually affects one in 10 pregnant women - how crazy? Feeling alone and having no motivation to do anything has probably been most challenging. Not feeling like yourself can be extremely difficult and have a huge impact not only on your relationship but work, friendships, family etc. For a while, I felt like I wasn't achieving anything in terms of work week after week which again, had a big impact on my confidence.  I think it is extremely important to take a step back and focus on something that makes you feel good. 

SELF CARE AND HIGHLIGHTS 

Self care is very important. Instead of stressing over the upcoming months and concentrating on negative thoughts, use your energy to nurture your relationship and take time to concentrate on you. Calmness and a positive mindset are crucial. Do things that make you feel good and try to enjoy this crazy journey as it honestly flies by. 

I have touched on many negative thoughts today therefore I wanted to share a few highlights and things I have enjoyed doing 

Shopping for baby bits and bobs

Scans and hearing the heartbeat

A good diet and experimenting with food

Me time - pampering (try plenty of face masks, although I haven't tried one, pregnancy massages seem to be quite popular too?!)

Reading pregnancy books, blogs and checking baby's development on apps

Planning and doing the nursery

Baby's movements

Investing in our space - (as I haven't done much fashion based shopping, I concentrated on  improving the living space as I am a massive sucker for interiors)

THE UNKNOWN

Again, I am currently experiencing mixed emotions as I am more than ready for this pregnancy to be over but at the same time do not feel ready for it to end. Although, I am more excited then ever for the unknown and cannot wait to finally meet baby H, at the same time I am feeling extremely anxious about the near future. 

I hope you have enjoyed this post. 

Love,
A x